When I was a little lad many years ago I wasn't very sportiful and yet I wasn't slow My mammy called me happy and my Pappy called me fool Laugh at every little thing And that was against the rule (laughing chorus) I used to know a little girl many years ago She wasn't very sportiful and yet she wasn't slow They said she was a dandy, a bird of paradise I walked around her once a day for the exercise (laughing chorus) She was fat and clumsy oh she weighed about a ton But she was full of deviltry and always full of fun One time we got to fooling around, such a silly pair She fell so hard upon my lap, we went right through the chair (laughing chorus) She was born in no mans land far across the sea It was the home of hairless monkeys, scratching off the fleas I do not doubt a word of it, 'cause what she said is true I been around that girl so much, that I turned monkey too