[The lot. JOANNE is reexamining the cable connections for the umpteenth time.]
[MARK] And so into the abyss...The lot. Where a small stage is partially set up.
[JOANNE] [playing with some wires] "Line in"... I went to Harvard for this?
[MARK] Close on Mark's nose dive.
[JOANNE] "Line out"...
[MARK] Will he get out of here alive...?
[JOANNE notices MARK approaching.] [JOANNE] Mark?
[MARK] Hi.
[JOANNE] I told her not to call you
[MARK] That's Maureen But can I help since I'm here
[JOANNE] I hired an engineer ...
[MARK] Great! Well, nice to have met you
[JOANNE] Wait! She's three hours late The samples won't delay But the cable --
[MARK] There's another way Say something -- anything
[JOANNE (into the mike)] Test -- one, two three --
[MARK] Anything but that
[JOANNE] This is weird
[MARK] It's weird
[JOANNE] Very weird
[MARK] Fuckin' weird
[JOANNE] I'm so mad That I don't know what to do Fighting with microphones Freezing down to my bones And to top it all off I'm with you
[MARK] Feel like going insane? Got a fire in your brain? And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?
[JOANNE] As a matter of fact --
[MARK] Honey, I know this act It's called the 'Tango Maureen' The Tango Maureen It's a dark, dizzy merry-go-round As she keeps you dangling
[JOANNE] You're wrong
[MARK] Your heart she is mangling
[JOANNE] It's different with me
[MARK] And you toss and you turn 'Cause her cold eyes can burn Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound
[JOANNE] I think I know what you mean
[BOTH] The Tango Maureen
[MARK] Has she ever pouted her lips And called you 'Pookie'
[JOANNE] Never
[MARK] Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?
[JOANNE] This is spooky Did you swoon when she walked through the door?
[MARK] Every time -- so be cautious
[JOANNE] Did she moon over other boys --?
[MARK] More than moon --
[JOANNE] I'm getting nauseous [They begin to dance, with MARK leading.]
[MARK] Where'd you learn to tango?
[JOANNE] With the French Ambassador's daughter in her dorm room at Miss Porter's. And you?
[MARK] With Nanette Himmelfarb. The Rabbi's daughter at the Scarsdale Jewish Community Center.
[They switch, and JOANNE leads.] It's hard to do this backwards.
[JOANNE] You should try it in heels! She cheated
[MARK] She cheated
[JOANNE] Maureen cheated
[MARK] Fuckin' cheated
[JOANNE] I'm defeated I should give up right now
[MARK] Gotta look on the bright side With all of your might
[JOANNE] I'd fall for her still anyhow
[BOTH] When you're dancing her dance You don't stand a chance Her grip of romance Make you fall
[MARK] So you think, 'Might as well'
[JOANNE] "Dance a tango to hell"
[BOTH] 'At least I'll have tangoed at all' The Tango Maureen Gotta dance till your diva is through You pretend to believe her Cause in the end -- you can't leave her But the end it will come Still you have to play dumb Till you're glum and you bum And turn blue