I’ve given up on looking at rain As a shower or a baptism But rather as a storm every time That drowns me Not in small droplets But in a tsunami Flooding down on me all at once So that I am plunged into the blurry Bubbled filled atmosphere Where my legs anchor as roots Into the earth I am planted In the sopping soil Of my grandmother’s garden A cemented backyard in Glendale I’m unable to hold up my pedals To give her any sign of beauty In the storm from her hose on its mist setting Making rainbows That my eyes translate as thunderbolts Striking at my weak anorexic stem With no thorns to bring into combat And no where near the fight of a saxifrage I am the weak I will not survive And I have no fucking excuse
I'm painless but still burdened, so a numbing of my voice won't answer to your pain. But I'd commit suicide and plant you a garden with all your favorite flowers if it meant that when I die you'd bury me there, making us last forever and ever and everything inbetween.
Strive for the roots you've displaced, you are the place you cannot stay. Every resolve results in heartache, your youth was marked by guilt and longing.
Do you feel the burden? This is misery.
The flowers in your hair guarded a garden that'd yet to bloom, seeds of comfort, comfort contentment. It took 18 years to realize the garden was a grave dug to hide your head.
Do you feel the burden? This is misery, this is company, this is comfort, comfort contentment.
Staying up late for early morning classes with no one by my side. This is misery, this is company, this is comfort, comfort contentment.